what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
