There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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