Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
