i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
