I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
