I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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