New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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