How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
