You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
