Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
