Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize