i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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