he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
