someone get that fucking seahorse.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
