We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
