Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
