Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
