the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
