I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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