That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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