One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
