Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
