Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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