Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
