Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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