ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
