he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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