Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
