You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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