No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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