I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There's always time for handjobs
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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