Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
