Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
