Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
