Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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