shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
