I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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