Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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