You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize