That's intense
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
