Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
