i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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