ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
