He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
