I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
