i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
