im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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