I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
