So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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