I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
