omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
