sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize