that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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