At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize