shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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