Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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