I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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