i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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