Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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