I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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