I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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