So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
