i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Randomize
