this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
