three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
don't judge my taste in strippers
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
