So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
