So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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