wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize