We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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