wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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