and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
