Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
