i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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