HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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