So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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