He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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