your thong is hanging out like whoa
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
