Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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