Sry I called you an 8
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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