Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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