the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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